Entering a world of nonsense

A wonderful thing happened this weekend.

No, the financial crisis wasn’t solved. That’ll take a lot more work.

No, gas prices didn’t drop back down under $3. That’s just silly.

No, I didn’t get laid. Now you’re just asking for the impossible.

No, what I’m talking about is the Chicago Cubs once again being eliminated from the playoffs.

What’s that you say?

I’m just a Cubs hater?

Well, I won’t deny that.

But let me tell you Mr. Hardcore Cubs fan, there’s a hell of a lot more of me than there is of you.

While you like to think that everyone loves your Cubbies and that they are the loveable losers to all of America, the fact is that most people could care less.

Let’s step back and take a look at those Cubbies you’re so fond off.

As we all know, they last won the World Series in 1908 when they topped the Detroit Tigers. Since then they have made it to the Series seven times (1910, 1918, 1929, 1932, 1935, 1938 and 1945). Needless to say, they came up empty.

The Cubs have found numerous things to blame this on.

First there’s the Billy Goat Curse from 1945.

Then there’s the black cat that ran out onto the field in 1969.

And who can forget Steve Bartman reaching for that foul ball in 2003.

Still, despite all these signs of curses, all hope wasn’t loss for the Cubs faithful.

And if ever there was a year to end the curse, it was this season.

There’s no way around it, the Cubs lineup was stacked. They had great starters, solid backups and a pretty damn good pitching staff. In the regular season they won 97 games, which tied them for second-most in the league behind the Angels’ 100 wins.

They won their division by 7.5 games and finished 11.5 games over the rival St. Louis Cardinals.

Nothing should have stood in the way of their march to the World Series. It shouldn’t have even been close.

Well, it wasn’t close, but not in the way the Cubs had hoped.

The NL West champion Dodgers made short work of Chicago, sweeping the series and outscoring the Cubs 20-6 in the process.

In a history full of disappointments, this one had to rank near the top.

Following the final game, the Chicago Tribune’s Web site posted several fan reactions to the latest debacle.

Here are just a couple of them:

“97 wins and I am embarassed to hell. No more of my money or time.”

“A team that plays small when on the biggest stage. Congrats Cubs, at the end of the season – you’re no better than the Pirates. Hope your proud.”

Those Pirates by the way finished the regular season 30.5 games behind Chicago.

These are just a small sample of the way Cubs fans felt about this latest letdown.

And some even gave up before the series was over.

As one friend put it, “I’ve seen this movie before, I know how it ends, I’m not wasting another two hours of my life watching it.”

But while Cubs fans mourned yet another devastating loss, the rest of the country celebrated.

For one thing, it is now officially 100 years of futility for the Boys in Blue. That’s a mark no one else will ever come close to matching, and the Cubs aren’t done yet.

You’re probably wondering why I have such animosity towards Chicago.

You might be asking what have they ever done to me?

The simple answer is unleashing Cubs fans into the world.

They are always quick to point out how you’re not a true fan like they are because they’ve stuck with their team through a century of ineptitude.

I say there’s a difference between loyalty and stupidity.

If everytime you walked into a McDonald’s, someone was there to throw a glass of water into your face, you wouldn’t keep going back would you?

Yet that’s exactly what Cubs fans do.

The team has repeatedly broken their fans hearts.

As one person said, “part of being a Cubs fan is having all your hopes and dreams shattered.”

You may call that type of loyalty inspiring.

I call it idiocy.

This is far from the only thing that Cubs fans do to annoy the greater public.

There is also constant talk about the curse. Talk to a Cubs fan, and the curse will surely be a topic of conversation.

Let us also not forget the singing of “Take me out to the ballgame.” While it may have been cute to hear a drunken Harry Carey sing it, hearing all the “celebrities” they trot out to sing it now is nothing short of criminal. 

And if you need proof that karma hates Cubs fans, look no further than the teams that have won World Series titles in recent years.

Hated rivals St. Louis and the Chicago White Sox have both hoisted the World Series trophy.

The Boston Red Sox, who were supposed to be nearly as cursed as the Cubs, have won multiple titles and are in the hunt for another one this year.

If that isn’t a case of karma spitting in the Cubs’ faces, I don’t know what is.

Another sign of karma is that the Cubs have not won a playoff game since going up 3-1 on the Florida Marlins in 2003.  Several Cubs fans were all but guaranteeing a World Series title at that point. Well, the NL did indeed win the title, but sadly for the Cubs it was the Marlins who took home the hardware.

Twice since then the Cubs have entered the playoffs with high hopes after winning the NL Central title. Both times they have been swept by inferior teams to raise their playoff losing streak to nine games.

But as usual, Cubs fans simply bounced back and are looking forward to next season.

Winning is irrelevant to them, as long as they get their booze and get to talk about how they’re better than any other fan base out there.

As far as for Cubs haters who are looking forward to seeing the drought reach 101 years, “just wait till next year.”