Entering a world of nonsense

I’m sure by now you’ve heard the story of Chad Javon Ocho Cinco.

Ocho Cinco was born Chad Johnson. After playing college football at Oregon State he moved on to the NFL and quickly became a star with the Cincinnati Bengals.

Since then he has been known for making highlight plays and being a key part of one of the most explosive offenses in the leagues.

But even more than his prowess on the field is the crazy celebrations he has become famous for.

There was the time he busted out the Riverdance after scoring in a game against Chicago.

Another time he went to the sideline during a game against Baltimore and threw on a giant Hall of Fame replica jacket with “Future H.o.F 20??” written on the back.

And then there was his bad idea of jumping into the stands during a game at Cleveland. He was promptly showered with beer by the Browns’ fans for his troubles.

But the moment that led to the name change was not in fact a touchdown celebration. In fact, it didn’t even happen during a game.

During warm-ups for a game against the Falcons on Oct. 29, 2006, Johnson showed up on the field with the name “Ocho Cinco” pasted on the back of his jersey where Johnson was supposed to be.

Bengals quarterback Carson Palmer promptly ripped the “Ocho Cinco” off his back and the team’s got on with their business.

But still, a nickname was born.

Johnson said he was doing it in honor of Hispanic Heritage Month with the name Ocho Cinco being Spanish for eight-five. While Johnson’s jersey number is 85, ochenta y cinco (the correct translation) just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

And now, a few years later, Johnson finally found a way to beat the system.

His move got me to thinking, what if other athletes were to start changing their names to their numbers?

What if Tom Brady suddenly became Tom Uno Dos? And hey, he’s gonna have plenty of free time for the next year so it’s something he might think about, well, between impregnating actresses and super models of course.

Or how about Kobe Bryant? Kobe Dos Quatro does have kinda a nice ring to it.

Even worse, what if athletes start selling their naming rights?

How long is it before LeBron Nike suits up for the Cavs?

Or how about if A-Rod sells his name to Pepsi and we suddenly get A-Pop?

And then of course there’s LaDainian Vizio?  Actually, that one sounds kinda cool.

But I digress.

What’s that?

Ridiculous you say?

It’ll never happen?

The same coulda been said about the thought that Chad would change his name to Ocho Cinco just to spite the NFL.

Putting a patch on your jersey is one thing, but changing your last name to a number is what’s ridiculous.

And if you think he’ll be the last player to do something like this, then you’ll be sadly disappointed.

Although not as disappointed as those Patriots fans who get to spend the rest of the season watching Matt Cassel line up under center instead of Tom Uno Dos.

Of well, I’m sure the Pats will at least be able to make a good video out of it.